A funny one by Michael Robertson at SAIL Magazine:
The Complete Guide to Caring for a Cruiser
Congratulations on your decision to host a visiting cruiser in your home. I’m sure you’re excited to reconnect and hear stories from his or her exotic life afloat. Be warned, though, that even a short time away from the cruising life can be difficult for a cruiser. Luckily, with a little foresight, it shouldn’t be hard to ease his or her transition to your landlubbing life, and turn the visit into a rewarding experience.
Turn off or unplug any alarm clocks; cruisers don’t wake well to alarms, often believing the oil pressure is low, the anchor is dragging or it’s time for their watch—this can be disorienting and detrimental to your cruiser.
Wherever possible, move furniture toward the center of a room, ideally creating a defined walkway—the narrower the better. The increased number of handholds will reassure your cruiser.
How do I communicate with my cruiser?
The cruiser may arrive using unfamiliar terms. If words like “kitchen,” “bathroom” and “closet” do not come easily, be patient, most cruisers will eventually drop the boat jargon ashore.
What sleeping arrangements should I make?
Your cruiser will feel more comfortable if you move a dresser or other solid object up against any open side of their bed. If that bed is larger than twin size, put another cruiser in it or pile stuff in there to constrict the space. Remember, cruisers are more comfortable in odd-shaped sleeping spaces.
