A new question for our sailing relationship advice expert from a drunken sailor's girlfriend...
Dear Stefina~
My boyfriend who is typically a moderate drinker imbibes a little too much for my comfort level when sailing. How do I approach this issue without sounding judgmental or confrontational?
Dear Girlfriend~
To quote my friend Bob, “Drinking on a boat is a great idea, as long as the boat doesn’t leave the dock.”
You are correct to be concerned about your boyfriend’s over-imbibing on the boat. I am sure you are not alone in your feeling. How to handle it is another story. You might as well trade in your sailing gloves for boxing gloves when you try to tell a man (or woman for that matter) that he drinks too much. Nobody wants to hear that, especially while they are drinking too much. Best to have that conversation on land.
Safety as sea is paramount. You want to be sure that your captain is sober and can handle any emergencies.Let him know your concerns. You want to be sure that if the weather turns dark and stormy, that he hasn’t had too many “dark ‘n stormies.” The goal should be reducing the amount of drinking, rather than setting expectations too high, like stopping completely, Perhaps something like” Honey, let’s have one drink under sail and save the rest for the dock.”
Information about boating accidents and laws can also be useful. We all remember Delegate Dwyer’s 2012 boating collision while intoxicated, where 7 people were left with serious injuries.
The legal limit for operating a boat, like a car, is .08%. The type of alcohol being consumed and the weight of the drinker will affect just how much one can drink before exceeding the legal limit. Two regular 12 ounce beers will make a 100 pound person reach .07 BAC. A 200 pound person can drink four regular beers before reaching that level. The bigger the guy, the more he can drink. Unfair to the petite women on board, I know.
But alcohol impairs judgment and reaction time. As a depressant it affects balance, vision and coordination. It causes the body to lose heat so hypothermia occurs faster. Combine all of that with wind and sun and sailors can easily become fatigued much faster than normal.
Learn how to sail and operate the boat so that you can be your own captain. That’s good advice for a healthy relationship as well. Tell your captain you will take over the helm if he exceeds the limits and that you need a sober crew. Nobody wants a captain who is “three sheets to the wind”.
We all know that Annapolis is a drinking town with a sailing problem, or is it a sailing town with a drinking problem? ~Stefina
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We know how romantic relationships–and even friendships–can get a little weird on the water... Stefina is a licensed social worker who would like to answer your questions, in the same style as a sort of Sailing Dear Abby or in the same vein as the New York Times Social Q’s. Send us a few onboard challenges you are facing with your first mate (or bestie), and we’ll let our columnist dish out some advice Send questions to [email protected]
